HLife | Healthy Living Redefined

Dear HLife: What’s the Recipe for Romance  in a Long-term Relationship?

Dear HLifer,

People have a tendency to think that, in a beginning relationship, or one that has lasted only a few months, it is easier to be romantic because everything is so new and undiscovered. This is the kind of thinking that sets people up for failure and disappointment. Here is the problem: In general, many people’s view of romance is limited, probably due to  ideas from TV  and  film. Some think romance is sex; some seem to think that if there are no candles or food involved, romance is non-existent; others think that romance can only be experienced away from your everyday life (like during a trip or while taking a vacation). To keep the romance alive in a long-term relationship, this old mentality needs an update.

Romance is not what you are doing or where you are, it’s what you feel when you are in the presence of that special person no matter where you are or what you are doing.  You can be having a candlelight dinner watching the sun set into the ocean and not feel any romance at all simply because of who you are with or how that person makes you feel.  We have been programed to think that being in a dimly lit place or doing some special activity with your partner equals romance, but real romance is what goes on every day between you and someone you love, beneath all the words, actions and all the little moments shared. What I’m saying is that there is no romantic Valentine’s Day without the romance the other 364 days of the year. It’s the day-to-day that makes your life as a couple romantic.  It’s both people enjoying one another on every level. For example, I think it’s super romantic when my husband and I share a cup of herbal tea together, in the morning, while still in our pj’s. We laugh, we do little things for one another to make each other’s lives easier, better, and we both appreciate one another for that.

When you are in a long-term relationship, it is actually easier to be romantic, because you really know your partner.  You know what ticks them off, what they like and don’t like, what they need, how to push their buttons and how to make them go, “Aww, honey, that’s so sweet of you.” Here is the doozy: Romantic love is a two-way street, with both people giving and receiving both love and romance. So, gentlemen: Woo your woman daily, ask if she needs help with the cooking or picking-up of something she is missing from the store, tell her she is beautiful every day (we don’t get tired of hearing it…unless you are lying), offer her a foot rub, tell her to take a break ’cause you’ll make (or bring) dinner, offer her a chamomile tea, laugh with her, make her life easier, hug her daily, make her happy – and communicate! And ladies: Tell your man how much you appreciate him, offer him a back rub, feed him his favorite (but healthy) meal, nurture him and smother him with kisses, make the house a palace and be his queen, give him support, laugh with him, leave him a cute note at his desk, feel sexy and flirt with him, make yourself happy – and communicate! My husband always says: “Happy wife, happy life”.  Great motto.

The bottom line is this: There is nothing more romantic, and no better way to keep the flame alive, than being married to your best friend.

Ingredients for Romance:

♥ Respect
♥ Details (the little things do matter)
♥ Unselfishness
♥ Giving
♥ Honesty
♥ Sense of humor (Laughter)
♥ Love
♥ Commitment
♥ Affection
♥ Caring
♥ Communication